Boomerang Kids: Problem or Opportunity

Problem or opportunity? Picture yourself returning home from your last graduation party and settling in for a quiet evening with your spouse to begin the "empty nest" phase of your life. The kids are now gone. Or are they? A recent phenomena is hitting America as an unprecedented number of grown kids are returning to the nest. This trend is becoming so well known it has fostered the phrase the "boomerang generation". What Happened? With the advent of high unemployment and record levels of college and graduate school debt, adult kids are struggling to make it on their own. There are also discussions about a shift in parents' willingness to help out financially and emotionally more so than in prior generations. In the 1940s 18 year olds were fighting wars in Europe or the Pacific. In the 1960s and 1970s kids were being drafted and many were protesting. Today's world is different, but is it bordering on over-indulging our children. So what to do if you find yourself in a boomerang situation? Whether you are a parent or a "boomerang" child, here are suggestions that may turn an uncomfortable situation into a rewarding experience.
Understand the reason. Understanding why the request to move back home will help you set expectations for each other. Having trouble finding a job is one thing, breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend brings quite another. What are your child's motives for moving back? Saving money for a new home? Are they going through a recent divorce? Trying to pay off debt? Getting ready for graduate school? Or perhaps it is simply for emotional stability. Understand the potential problems and discuss them. Having a serious discussion before moving back in is important. As a child, you need to make sure being a boomerang hild does not foster a lack of motivation or having you become more passive in a job search. As a parent, you need to be concerned you are not stifling your child's development as a person or as a professional in their desired career. Set expectations. Some discussion topics could include: Establishing a timeframe Sharing of household duties Understanding house rules. (curfew, guest policy, groceries etc.) Setting up an agreement; consider putting it in writing Discussing if rent should be charged. How much? Define space. The tolerance to accept a messy house when the kids were small is one thing. It's quite different having to pick up after a grown child. Clearly defining each other's space in the house and setting expectations on keeping things like bathrooms clean can help tremendously. Be careful with debt. Make sure you do not enable financial behavior that is acceptable as a small child, but enables an adult child to become more passive about developing financial skills necessary to live independently as an adult. Do not sacrifice your own financial future by paying your child's debt. Funding your retirement is usually more important than bailing a child out of their financial predicament. What will they do when you need money in old age because you spent it on them to reduce their debt? Turn lemons into lemonade. While there are many inherent problems with the concept of the boomerang generation, there are wonderful opportunities as well. A few examples include: Reconnecting with each other when both the child and parents are adults. With a roof over their head, the boomerang adult can use the opportunity to explore and develop marketability as an employee by taking an unpaid internship or volunteering to help others. Help your child save money for their future goals. Adults can get help maintaining their home as they age. Remember many cultures value the benefits of multi-generational living. The wisdom of experience is passed from one generation to the next and the healthy bond established between generations helps those of all ages. If managed properly the boomerang experience could bring its own rewards.